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It is hard for me to believe that we are already quickly approaching May of this 2009 year! Just 5 months ago, my life was completely changed. My thinking of MY future truly changed to a WE. As WE have been planning our wedding for May 2 and praying for God’s guidance and peace about OUR marriage, there have been a lot of revealing times. God has revealed to us how ridiculously blessed we are to have each other and been led to a life as each other’s completing piece (cheese, I know). God has also revealed that no matter how much we love each other, He loves us more! He will provide our marriage with guidance, peace, strength, and circumstances that will keep us in His will- which is ultimately why Jimmy and I trust that God has put us together for a reason. These past few months of planning have been everything from hilarious to tearful to challenging to completely as God planned it for us, and we are thankful. Our prayer: “Lord, our hearts desire is to give you praise so let every breath everything we say, bring glory to your name, O Lord.” PS. Thank you to our friends and family for your prayers, smiling faces, hugs, and love- keep praying for us as we get ready for our married life- a lifetime of blogs to come!
Current Mood:  peaceful
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There seems to be this sickness or addiction that I have concerning taking pictures. It is actually not that I take too many pictures (I mean I do), but I think the real problem lies in the fact that since the digital camera I have an endless amount of space on my camera to take pictures without developing them. The result then becomes several days throughout the year when I have to sit down for several hours and completely engulf myself in putting those months and stacks of pictures away. November 1 was one of those days where I found myself sitting in the midst of pictures, paper, scissors, glue and stress continuously asking myself “WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!” (I mean I love taking pictures, but there has got to be more discipline and self control so it does not become this major issue…haha) Anyway, my point is that on that day Jimmy was in line voting all day while I was scrap booking. We had known this was going to happen so the previous night he asked me out on a “hot date”. I said yes of course. Upon arriving at my apartment, he told me that we needed to leave soon because the hot date required some extensive driving time. I slightly stressed out because after hours of working on pictures I seemed to have just created more of a mess. But, I took a deep breath and decided that I loved him more than the pictures (that’s probably healthier I decided). He picked out my outfit seeing that I had NO idea where we were going. He said be comfortably relaxed and to where these jeans because they made my butt look good… who am I to argue… I was told the following fact about our surprise date- there will be driving, it might get cold, and he was cooking dinner. When I jump into his truck (all excited of course because I LOVE surprises) I was greeted by an extremely large and scary black suitcase. I would have wondered if he was kidnapping me, but Jimmy is my love, so I trusted that wasn’t the surprise. We started driving to the TPK and he was in the middle lane giving me no inkling of which direction north or south we would be going. He playfully asked me if I had any idea where we could be going, gave me some hints, guessed a few places all the while he started going right (north) then cuts across the other lanes to go left (south). Okay- we are going to the keys- I thought. Down in Florida City, we pass the Wal-Mart and he makes a right. Hmmm… that’s not the way to the keys, I know this. Now I am seeing some signs come in to focus saying Correctional Institute ahead… my thoughts of kidnapping are welcomed back. Then another sign Everglades National Park!! Oh- I think I get it!!! He confirms my thoughts and reveals to me when we enter what the date will consist of. We drive all the way down to the end to the stop called Flamingo where you reach the beach. It was gorgeous weather, cool and breezy. He unloads the grill we bought and used a few weeks earlier for my birthday surprise date in the keys and makes some of the best burgers I have EVER had! There was also watermelon and a huge chocolate chip cookie (the size of my head) he baked me. Oh, I cannot forget about the massive suitcase- that was his dad’s telescope!! We set it up and saw the moon and its crazy craters and Jupiter!! This perfect dinner and a show, was followed by an even more perfect sunset of bright oranges and pinks and purples and blues. We sat in the bed of his truck; me snuggled up in the blanket Liz made me and the both of us quietly sitting in God’s glorious and peaceful scene. There was no one really around us. It was breathtaking. (Nauseatingly romantic, huh?) “I have to get something from the car” is what broke the silence. He came back with a Bible in his hand, a silly smile, sweaty palms, and a heart pumping in overdrive. He told me that he had read this verse in Ruth earlier in the week: “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God” explaining that he thought this would be a great thing to say in our marriage vows. I agreed with utter excitement having no clue as to how excited I would really be in just a moment when he followed that statement with this: “Well, to have marriage vows we have to get married [uh-huh], and to get married we have to be engaged [uh-huh], and to be engaged I have to… he then got down to one knee as I yelled “NO! NO! NO! [not exactly what a guy wants to hear when he is in that vulnerable a position probably] I don’t believe you!” He stays patiently kneeling; giving me a chance to freak out, and then finally opens the box saying, “Will you marry me?” I ignore the box and give him the biggest hug I have ever given, smile the biggest smile I have ever smiled, and cry the happiest tears I have ever cried saying YES! “Can I put the ring on?” Was his next question and I continued to freak out mostly because of the gorgeous ring and then a little because I realized I was being completely massacred by mosquitoes all over my feet, neck, forehead, and knuckles (the little skin I had exposed). So, we packed up everything in super speed, jumped in the truck, and drove back home all the way the same conversation for several miles- Me “Say it again, say it again” Him “Will you marry me?” Me “Yeah… again, again!” Him “Will you marry me? Me “Yeah… again, again!” Both of us “AHH!! We are getting married!!!” We stopped at BK before we left the Florida City area because I had to pee, I seemingly forgot this simple fact because when I walked into the stall I found myself standing there several minutes just staring at my left hand! Finally, we left BK, drove over to my parents, freaked out some more, and then drove over to his parent’s house to continue freaking out. I have pretty much been calling my family, telling my kids at school, shoving my left hand in people’s faces, and freaking out since then. Random notes I want to remember: - My dad being excited to finally give me away and that maybe when I am married I can do my laundry at my house - My mommy tearing up and starting to plan during work… shhh…don’t tell the white haired lady - My brother’s calm reaction and making me watch Dirty Jobs on TV- about cow sea sections and leeches for some crazy reason - Liz stating her joy for “finally having a sister” - Jimmy’s mommy saying that she is happy and it was a much easier birth this time, haha - Michael asking “how long do weddings take”, “will there be cake”, “Will it be bigger than you”, “So, you will be my in law” - Robert asking if this means I will be flying with him and Jimmy when they get the license to fly - Carolina volunteering to be my 14 year old flower girl - Dorian offering a bracelet for my “something borrowed” - All my kids willing to pay their way into our wedding - My boys wanting to give Jimmy high five and congrats for beating them to it - My 8th graders saying the answer to the test with examples like D- diamond, b- bride, c- chapel - My 7th grade girls giggling extensively as my boys surprisingly asked about the ring and offer to have a car wash fundraiser for paying for the wedding - My 6th graders greeting me as “soon to be Mrs. Erwin” - My 5th graders humming “Here comes the bride” every time I walk in the room - Everyone I got to talk to on the phone or left a message with or texted with or attacked on a bike to tell being truly excited for us…. Current Mood:  excited
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Everyone knows it. Lots of people are feeling it. Most people are saying it. I just can’t believe it- summer break is over…. Now, if you are not a teacher, or a student, or a parent who has been experiencing this phenomenon we call summer break, then fine- you can be bitter about it. We know, you don’t get summers off, but, for those of us that have been trying to gain back some sense of sanity, peace, rest, and time (ie teachers), we don’t want to believe it. Actually, that may not be completely true for all teachers (there is always that one that negates the “all”). So, I will personalize it so I don’t falsely advertise it. I cannot believe that summer break is over! That’s it; I go back to work tomorrow. The kids come back in just a measly 10 days. I know what some of you may be thinking- But, Naty, you LOVE school. And, yes, I do, but I love summer break too. There were so many things I wanted and needed to do this summer, and every day finished sooner than I was ready for it. Even more mind- blowing is the fact that I have again been changed to a different grade. This year is middle school!! Does anyone remember middle school? Know a middle school student? Talked to a middle school teacher? If not, please continue to check this blog for more information in the upcoming months. All I am saying, all I am feeling, is a million different things. I guess when I look back at the summer break, I was feeling a million other different things too and I did get through that. The big thoughts I have now though going into this new school year is can I fulfill all the expectations laid out for me by the parents, staff, students, and myself? What can I expect of this year? What expectations does God have for me? Will they match what I expect? “The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives.” My prayer will be that my God’s constant presence in my life becomes a constant awareness to me because EVERYDAY He saves my life.
I drive myself crazy trying to stay out of my own way
The messes that I make but my secrets are so safe
The only one who gets me yeah you get me
It’s amazing to me how Everyday
Everyday
Everyday you save my life I come around all broken down and crowded out
And your comfort
Sometimes the place I go is so deep and dark and desperate
I don’t know how Everyday you save my life Sometimes I swear I don’t know if I’m coming or going
But you always say something without even knowing
That I’m hanging on to your words with all of my might
And I'm alright for one more night Everyday you save me
You save me Notes: - “Are you bringing Chiqui to ‘Take your child to work’ Day, Miss Rodriguez?” asked one of my third-graders honestly. I am going to miss them next year…
- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Current Mood:  hopeful
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“Failure doesn’t mean nothing has been accomplished.” Constantly feeling like a failure and/or feeling unproductive are two of my least favorite feelings yet they seem to have been a huge part of my life since I graduated college. Maybe they were sprinkled here and there, but never have I felt this heart-wrenching pain day after day in my work until I started teaching. Maybe it’s the fact that there will always be something more I could have taught, some other way I could have explained it, a different method or technique that I should have utilized… There will always be the “What if” factor. I take my fears, worries, dissatisfactions, shortcomings, and disappointments to God every morning before I leave for work. And every morning I pray for strength, peace, and wisdom to just get through the hours there alive and maybe, if I am lucky, having taught someone something they needed to learn. And every morning God says “listen.” Well, what exactly am I listening for? All I hear is this silence…. This droning silence…. This mesmerizing silence… Day after day I am faced with this silence that has gradually become louder and more deafening and more difficult to ignore. I cannot exactly spell out what this silence is saying, well, because it is silent! Nevertheless, I know it is God. He is there. He is here. He has seen my tomorrow and knows that I can handle it. He sees that I am accomplishing things even though I may feel like I am failing. He speaks His love through the sweet silence I am blessed to have so early in the morning- God knows I don’t have that the rest of the day. So, I take this time of silence and I listen to God’s reminders to me of how much He loves me and continues to provide for me. And, every so often, he speaks a little louder than usual through friends, students, or any other way He so chooses for that time. This time, he spoke through opportunity*. Notes: - “What is lint, Miss Rodriguez?” [ I taught my kids this week what lint was by having them dig in their pockets and challenging them to pick through their toes when they got home that day, haha, wonder if that’s on the FCAT…]
- “At least its colorful! I have never seen so many colors in vomit before!!!! Be proud!” [Just another day at work for me.]
* Details to come on a later blog.Current Mood:  sleepy
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Live life to fulfill God’s will. His purpose is the only reason why I have breath today and why my life has any meaning. Worship is supposed to be a never-ending act of living and glorifying Him. That is not was confuses me. That is not what haunts me and breaks my spirit so often. What I am supposed to do, what I desire to do, and what my purpose in life are not the questions I am constantly asking myself… HOW? How are we supposed to worship our God from Hell? I know that several readers might think that “Hell” might be a dramatic and vulgar term, especially for me to use. My point is not for your to read this and be shocked that I am comparing parts of my life to this obscene place and concept that so many people just throw around without a second (or first) thought. No, my point is that Hell is the absence of God’s presence. How am I supposed to worship God at work when it seems as though his presence is non-existent? This is my personal daily battle… as I am sure it is for some of you guys too. But as I have been thinking more and more about this feeling of worshipping God in a place that seems absolutely void of His presence, I realized something. A co-worker and I had been having a conversation about the negativity at our school and we both agreed that since we weren’t getting any positive ideas, encouragements, or motivation from anywhere, if we wanted this, we would have to give it ourselves. It makes sense, may even seem obvious, but it sure isn’t easy. Take that same concept and twist it slightly and you have my conclusion that took me several weeks to truly understand. If I want to see God in “Hell”, I gotta bring Him myself. Satan steals joy from every one of our lives and starts by making us feel that we are all alone in whatever situation we may be in. How wrong are we to believe that we are alone when the creator of the universe himself cares enough to want to be everywhere we are. Even in the darkest, most deserted, most desperately defeating of times, God is there. Better yet, he has seen our tomorrows and guarantees that we can handle it with His strength! John 10:4 “When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them.” So whatever is coming up ahead, He has already encountered it to help us get through it. Psalm 16:11 “In His presence is fullness of joy and pleasures forever” (trials too, but always true joy). If I want to see God where I work, I need to be the one to bring Him. [Deep Breath] Notes:
1. Sorry, Love, wink wink.
2. Pray for Jorgito- still healing from his broken jaw- “starving”.
3. Shout out to Alex for completing the installation of his garage door opener!!!! 4. Countdown for London “Get Over It” Trip begins- 57 DAYS. 5. Hmmm… I’ll have to start writing down the ridiculous things my kids say again, but I guess one of them asking me this question in a truly concerned tone was pretty funny: “Miss R, if I eat a lot of shrimp will my feathers turn pink?” Response: “Do you HAVE feathers?” “Oh”. Current Location: The Creek
Current Mood:  exhausted
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After some time of annoyance, I decided to go to the doctor to see what he thought could be causing this discomforting itchiness on my head. I was thinking- okay, it is probably dry skin and I am going to need a special shampoo… Instead, I end up here, at my apartment, forced to take my sick days “until I have a note from my doctor”, drenching my head in rubbing alcohol only to rinse it out and pour olive oil all over my hair in order to treat my “condition” that is more commonly known as head lice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eeeeeew- I know I just made all of my friends reading itch and scratch their heads- so sorry, but think of me! How do you think I feel having my friends wince and grimace everytime they see me. Or how about a date with my boyfriend that involves him combing through all my crazy amounts of hair sopping with olive oil piece by piece for an hour and 45 minutes picking out the disgusting torturous bug eggs… hahhaha- this is crazy!!! On top of all my creepy crawly problems, my car battery died on me right after the revealing doctor’s appointment. I was at the library when this happened so my amazing Papi drove up to meet me. Just when I thought things were getting under control, today happened. It started early before the sunrise as I drove to school quickly to leave some things for my sub. On my way back, I noticed my radio fading in and out, my clock disappearing, and my battery gauge quickly dropping to “L”. I suddenly realized my car was slowing down and the bridge ahead never looked as insurmountable as it did right then. Quick thinking got me to jump into the turn lane, “punch it”, and hope to make it across before I stalled in the oncoming traffic lane. I managed to get my grudging car into a spot right as it died completely. Again, I was stranded in the dangerous Pompano Beach area alone with a deceased vehicle. Thanks again to my dad, he met me, jumped my car back to driving existence, chugged it all the way to the shop, and currently waiting the surgeon’s call telling me my Jamie has a new working alternator and she will recover nicely. Well, it was all very dramatic and exciting and annoying and expensive, but all the same it could have been a lot worse. Since I have been stuck at home all day today, I got lots of work done, alcohol-ed my head, and even watched some t.v. Now, I am going to order some pizza while I wait for my Mami to get here so she can olive oil my hair. I really should just hire a monkey… With that, thanks for reading- Notes: 1. When a child projectile vomits all over their math book and neighboring child after eating sprinkles, the throw up is also wonderfully colorful (A new lesson I learned, just in case you were wondering). 2. I have a new hilariously loving view of the following song now:
“'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers And I'd like to check you for ticks. Now, I'd hate to waste a night like this I'll keep you safe you wait and see The only thing allowed to crawl all over you
When we get there is me. You never know where one might be
There's lots of place that are hard to reach
I gotcha.” Hahaha… Current Mood:  from smell of rubbing alcohol
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What seems to make a promise so valuable, important, personal, maybe even life saving is the fact that most promises are not kept. I can think back to at least 25 different promises made to me or by me that were broken- quite easily too. Some were silly (I promise I’ll give back your pen) while others were more serious (I promise I’ll never hurt you). Either way, promises are constantly being made by friends, family, lovers, acquaintances, companies, products, bosses, colleges, me, and you. In turn most of these promises turn out to be lies instead of instances portraying trust or dependency. However, the fact that most promises are broken, makes those simple few promises that are kept that much more amazing, real, and meaningful to me. Although, in my life, it seems the more I want my promise to be seen, the longer I have to wait for it!!! Grr… But by far, the single most important promise in my life has been from God himself- He has promised to love me unconditionally!! Romans 8:38-39 “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Thank you, God… no one can ever love me like that… and I trust that You will provide me with all that I need to live my life so I am fulfilled and fulfilling your will. I just might need to marinate in the mean time as I wait… Hebrews 6:15 “After he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.” Notes: - A student in my class actually sincerely used the line “My dog ate my homework”!!
- Had another kid ask me: “What does “Oy” mean?
- “Well I'm what I am and I'm what I'm not
I'm sure happy with what I've got
I live to love and laugh a lot
And that’s all I need”
Current Mood:  hungry
Current Music: IZ
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I cannot believe how fast this summer has been going- In just a few weeks school will officially be back in session!! I also cannot believe: - I went to Hawaii a few weeks ago - Harry Potter comes out this Friday and the movie's already out - Lauren is getting married - I cut my hair (11 inches of it!!) - I'm thinking about going back for my Masters - I am studying for the GRE - I will soon be dating a 23 year old - I still have Jenny's pillow - I still haven't started half the projects I wanted to complete this break - I am going to have my 4 wisdom teeth removed - I just finished putting away my pictures from London - Tomorrow is practically December - My dream truly did come true in Disney!!! ... and this is just the beginning of what's going on in my mind- today!! "Days go by I can feel 'em flying Like a hand out the window in the wind as the cars go by Yeah, it's all we've been given So you better start livin' right now 'Cause days go by. We think about tomorrow, then it slips away We talk about forever but we've only got today." Current Mood:  listless
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Yesterday was my last official day as a “first year teacher”. I cannot help but feel relief as well as a billion other things. My mind is spinning with memories of the last 180 school days with my “genius monsters” (as I so lovingly referred to them) and my unbelievable co-workers (unbelievably crazy, helpful, rude, and a lot of times just unbelievably ridiculously stupid). Although, within this mess of thoughts, I am reminded of a quote I have written about before in other journals: “I hate when things are over cuz so much is left undone.” I look back and sometimes see- nothing. I wonder- Did I teach anything? Did I change anything? Did I make a difference at all in any of my students lives, academically or emotionally or spiritually? Most people would jump in to say yes, I did. I am honestly not sure. However, I am sure- 100%- that they changed me. My kids taught me more than any college course I have ever taken or will take. They have completely altered my perception, my attitude, my confidence, and my knowledge of being a teacher. Now, THAT is something they should be proud of. Ironically enough, that is something I can never teach them to understand and something that they may never know. This is Miss ‘Driguez- survivor of year one who is hopeful about the future and loving the present that is summer love- saying goodbye to school for a few months. Notes:
1. "It's been hardly amount and you are already missed."
2. "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent of praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippians 4:8 Current Mood:  thankful
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"A patients history is as important as their symptoms. It's what helps us decide if the heart burns or attacks, if a headaches a tumor or not. Sometimes patients will try to rewrite their history, which in surgery can be the kiss of death. We can ignore it all we want, but our history eventually always comes back to haunt us..."
With less than 20 school days left before summer break, things are getting crazier than I thought possible. Even as FCAT came and passed, work has become more "interesting" as veteren teachers promised. Behavior that was bad became awful, lazy students have turned into children that shockingly woke up one morning to realize that they "forgot how to color", and even the once quiet- seeming young-minded 5th graders have morphed into loud flirting middleschoolers!! Throughout this whole transformation, I have learned a whole lot about more things than I care to write about. It has been a stressful and exhausting last few months of school, but I am nearly able to say that I am no longer a first year teacher. From June 2007 on, I will just be another crazy teacher without the label and burden of a "first year". I dare not consider myself now (or ever) experienced in working with children, rather simply a survivor.
Although, I am suprised to hear that there have been other things going on in life other than school. While I have been at school, I have missed several events. Some things I just realized include: the Heat season happened, January, February, March, AND April happened, Chiqui started eating cat food instead of kitty food..., but most importantly, people have grown older without me making them feel embarrassed!! So, Happy Birthday to Kyle, Kateri, Andrew, Kooka, Monty, and Alana. I love and miss you guys!
Even with the constant insanity that my students have added to my already crazy life, I will actually miss them (well, most of them). I will always be thankful for what I have been through with them; hopeful that I taught them something that they can use later in life; and joyful when I can look back at it as part of my history that brought me closer to the ones I can depend on.
"...But we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we're making today."
Notes:
1. Are you smarter than a 5th grader? 5th graders are expected to be able to answer the following question- can you? The _________ of a whole number are all of the whole numbers that are products of the given number and another whole number.
2. I was compared to the lady in the yogurt commercial that they sing "She wore an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini" earlier this month by my students. Any thoughts? Comments? Should I be okay with them singing me that song?
3. Never thought the word Rodriguez could be spelled so many ways by children and adults alike.
4. "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Col. 1:17
This is "drigez" saying until later....
Current Mood:  blank
Current Music: Too much country, haha...
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